Apparently, this magical email is going to get me out of any existing debt I may have. And somehow, it isn’t a scam even though it went directly to my SPAM inbox and has no credible source that it’s coming from. In fact, upon looking at the domain, I’ve never even heard of it, not that I would know probably even if they were credible, seeing as how I’m not in debt. That being said, I don’t really think I need this email whatsoever. Nevertheless, it’s entertainment I suppose.

This is how you get out of debt… once and for all.

http://10070551.venuswillow.com/l947

Of course I will. The latest e-mail wants me to visit some links to confirm some details so that they can deposit $800 into my account. Actually, I think that’s what it said. Here’s the message:

.<==>”We..Need___Your__

Confirmation___for..”8oo.00″..deposit.”]..<==>.

Aww, too bad these people “are not affiliated with the brands above.” And as always, there are a set of requirements that make me uneasy on just how free this Olive Garden dinner will be.

Maybe I’ll just make some cheeseburgers or spaghetti and break out a bottle of wine and pretend.

First of all, why in the world would I ever want an original iPad after the release of the iPad 2? I mean, the new generation are twice as fast, not to mention many other upgrades.

Second, I absolutely hate penny bids. For those of you that don’t understand how they work, here’s how. Basically, you buy bids for a penny each and have so many bids to use. Then, everyone bids on a product that could basically start wherever the auction company wants it to. Now, say you get an object to $10 and buy it. Great, a great deal, right?

Even if you lose the bid, you still pay. So if 10 people paid roughly $10 each, they make $100. You may have saved $40, but they made that right back and more. Basically, it’s a simple math trick that makes people feel like they’re getting a product for cheap and the auction company is still making tons of cash.

Oh, I would love to. Wait, what?

It’s a little blurry, but really the content isn’t that important. Basically, it’s reminding me of my last opportunity to apply for grants money because apparently the “Government-Grants_are Available for…US-Citizens,.” Yes, that’s right. Perfect grammar. Most definitely a secret e-mail from the White House, right? I was looking for “Your friend, Obama” on the bottom, but I couldn’t find it. I wonder why.

I sure wish this one was true. I could shop without budget worries for the girlfriend for well over a year (or be way too nice and do it all at once)!

“Valentine’s Gift: Free $1000 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card”
“Participation Required. See Offer Details.”

I do appreciate a Valentine’s gift, but this one is highly doubtful. Especially since I have to do another 13 offers from their sponsors.

“The GROW-UP® Plan is a whole life insurance policy designed for healthy children ages 14 days through 14 years.

Get 13 FREE Music Downloads when you request life insurance for your child!”

Now when I have my first child, I can sign up for life insurance at 14 days and even get him or her an iPod with 13 songs! I sure hope they have Barney and Dora on iTunes! *end sarcasm*

Now I knew that the technology era was increasing exponentially, but this sure took me by surprise. If pirating music isn’t enough, now people are signing their children up for life insurance policies just for some new tunes? That really isn’t my idea of being an educated parent. Let’s at least hope they’re picking good songs! Yes, I am only kidding with that last line.

TOTAL CONFIDENCE
Barr. Jose Pedro.
Private Email: josepedroo55@mycin.net

ATTN: Sir/Madam

We do not know each other, but you are the only person I sent this email with hope to get a positive and sincere response, in order to go into a deal that would bring life fortune to both of us.

I am Barrister, Jose Pedro solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Engr. Morris Gad , who was a Contractor and has spent most of his life in my country (Spain ).
On the 20th of August 2008, my client, his wife and their only son were involved in a plane crash . All occupants of the plane unfortunately lost their lives see here for details ( http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/madrid ). Since then I have made several enquiries to his embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but all efforts was unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you and solicit for your assistance as a foreigner to execute the claim of this fund.

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at US$18.5million left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank in, madrid spain where these huge deposits were lodged. The said bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next twenty-one Official working days.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the Next of kin to the deceased since no-one has come for the fund, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. The request of a foreigner as the next of kin in this transaction is occasioned by the fact that my client was a foreigner and the money cannot be paid into a local bank here, so it will be better for you to stand as the next of kin to my client. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please reply via e-mail at; josepedroo55@mycin.net

Best Regards,

Barr.Jose Pedro

The fun part about this is that if you go to mycin.net, the place that provides his supposedly legit email, you get nothing. Nice try. I also love how it’s like TOTAL CONFIDENCE! As if that would make be believe this BS story.

Dear Recipient,

We can get you the money you need fast. We know being short on funds is
serious. Let’s do it now.: http://www.payday-cash-advancenow.info

Thanks,

Correction: we need poor credit borrowers so we can prey on you, take advantage of your situation, and make a huge profit. Too bad someone somewhere will fall for it. I like how they say “We know being short on funds is serious”. Makes them seem sympathetic towards the situation. Too bad they’ll only make it worse.

From The Desk Of The Deputy Governor,
Alhaji Suleiman Barau.
Central Bank Of Nigeria.
Tel No: +234 702 973 0504
E-Mail: centralsector@msn.com

Attention; Honorable Beneficiary !!

YOUR IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT NOTIFICATION CONTRACT:MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/010.

From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the federal government of Nigeria your name and company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding contractors who have not received their payments.

I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from my record in my file your outstanding contract payment is U.S $11.6 million dollars (Eleven Million Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).

Please re-confirm to me if this is Online with what you have in your record and also re-confirm to me the followings:

1) Your Full Name.
2) Next Of Kin.
3) Phone, Fax and Mobile.
4) Company’s Name, Position And Address.
5) Profession, Age Merital Status.

As soon as this information’s are received, your payment will be made to you in a certified bank draft or to be Wired out to you via your Nominated Bank Account of your choice from central bank of Nigeria and a copy will be given to you for you to take to your bank and confirm it.

You can call me on my direct number (+234 702 973 0504) forward your full details as soon as you receive this letter for immediate payment, and as well write me back for a serious discussion with me and mail me back via the email address below. All response should be made to the below email address.

Do not fail to reply back to facilitate your Contract Sum to you via any nominated Bank Account of your choice.

Regards.

ALHAJI SULEIMAN BARAU.
DEPUTY GOVERNOR (C.B.N), CORPORATE SERVICES DIRECTORATE.
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
centralsector@msn.com
+234 702 973 0504

Central Bank of Nigeria CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE:
This transmission may contain confidential information protected by state or federal law. The information is intended only for use consistent with the state business discussed in this transmission. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any disclosure, copying, distribution, or the taking of any action based on the contents is strictly prohibited. If you have received this transmission in error, please delete this email and notify the sender immediately. Your cooperation is appreciated.

WEB.DE DSL SOMMER-SPECIAL: Surf & Phone Flat 16.000 für
nur 19,99 ¿/mtl.!* http://web.de/DSL-Doppel-Flatrate/

What’s wrong with this email? Let’s break it down:
1: This “Alhaji Suleiman Barau” with the “Central Bank of Nigeria” has an MSN email address.
2: Google Alhaji Suleiman Barau and all you see is scam scam scam!
3: The signature of the email is an advertisement for an ISP.
4: This email is to fonex160@yahoo.com, not my address.
5: The top of the email says: “Warning: This message may not be from whom it claims to be. Beware of following any links in it or of providing the sender with any personal information. Learn more”
6: IT’S FREAKING NIGERIA!